One of the first things I get to do with couples I am working with is listen. I get to sit down and hear how you’ve met, what attracted you to each other, the quirks and idiosyncrasies of your partner that both delight you and drive you crazy, your hopes and dreams for the future and how you would like me to hold space for you as you vow to care for each other through the dares, doldrums and delights of your lives together.

In thinking about this process, I have come to think about how couples grow as each person evolves individually. We tend to have a vast evolution in communication practices as we sink into our love for each other. We tend to come into relationships with varying skills related to how we are able to express ourselves and ask for what we need. In my own evolution, I had no problem expressing myself early on and asking for what I needed, it was the listening part of the equation that needed some tending. After identifying the skills necessary to sit and hold space for another person, I was able to do that more and more. I find it to be a great gift when someone wants to confide in me and I try to be an empathic listener.

In the end, all any of us wants is to be heard and understood. This practice of listening without waiting for your turn to speak, listening and reflecting back what is being shared, asking for clarification or better understanding, listening by facing the person, looking into their eyes, nodding and cooing at the right time, placing a hand on their hand for comfort, listening without fixing, this practice is where we find grace.

It is a gift to me that I have the opportunity to hear couples’ stories, reflect their love for one another and laugh over the foibles that accompany human interaction. I then get to weave that listening into a story that places everyone in attendance at the wedding in a place of not only witnessing the love the couple shares, but getting wrapped up in it, too. Listening is a lot like falling in love. If we are truly still, truly listening, we feel a compassion and an empathy for the person sharing with us, we want what is best for them, they feel embraced and safe in our ability to hear them and they have the courage to have their story heard again and again.

I’m listening, dear readers, what stories do you have to tell?

Listen, dear reader

Bonnie Cortez

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Sated Yet?